10 Skills That Are Hard To Learn But Will Pay Off Forever

Lets grown and learn. Life is not all about alcohol and partying honestly. If I had a rand for every time I told my bestie that "my idea of fun is not getting wasted every weekend" I would be so rich. It's so tiring and boring honestly.

In the spirit of sharing is caring, I thought this video would assist those who like myself are in the pursuit of happiness and bettering themselves. The I want peace and joy movement. I came across 10 skills that are apparently hard to learn but will change our lives forever.

Here's to us!!!! Enjoy.

Kind Regards ❤️

Ms _Curvy 

Celebrities on Being Rich But Not Happy + Giving Advice

"Inner peace is the ultimate source of happiness and joy fulness"-Dalai Lama

So is it possible to be rich, successful and famous but still be miserable and unhappy? Does not make sense to some of us who do not feel like we are rich, successful and famous. Apparently not everything that glitters is gold. But not to say that all rich, successful and famous people are unhappy and miserable, the moral of the story is, don't think that just because you can be rich, successful and rich means that you will be happy. The moral is these things don't guarantee happiness or inner peace.

Imagine having millions in your bank account but no sleep. It makes sense because in order for you to have millions and keep them you have to constantly think. Just like being successful, you have to constantly be thinking and your brain never shuts off. This is by no means a way to deter you from wanting to be rich, successful or famous, it is however an insight into the reality that all those concepts do not guarantee you that you will be happy.

Personally, a lot of what J Cole said in the video resonates with me. When I finally got my degree, completed my articles, passed my board exams and opened my own practice, the happiness wasn't really there. I had sacrificed so many relationships and even myself so much trying to be successful but still I realised that, it does not make me happy. There are some things that money cannot buy and even when you start to make it, you are not satisfied with it because you realize that it's not worth certain decisions and parts of yourself that you lost along the way. In Shor, you cannot buy them or bring them back. 

The pursuit of happiness is a never ending challenge that we all seek to achieve. We all want to be happy with ourselves and that is a journey that we all take when we open our eyes in the morning. When we find it in some things or some people then we want to hold on to those things and those people. But things get old and you lose some, you also lose some people. So don't it make sense that you find happiness within yourself outside of "things"? . 

It took me coming to terms with the fact that a degree, admission or law firm would not make me happy, to set myself free. It dawned on me that I have to make myself happy by doing what makes me happy and makes me feel good. I learned not to tie my happiness to things, people but to my inner peace. Happiness started being, going to sleep as soon as my head touched the pillow. Happiness became opening my eyes in the morning and having another opportunity to find moments that will make me happy that day. Happiness is being content and grateful for who I am, how far I've come and all that I have overcome. Happiness became forgiving myself for all the things I did to try and make others happy and proud whilst betraying myself. Happiness is now saying no when I don't want to something and not feeling bad about it. Happiness is avoiding certain people who don't make me feel good and not having a care in the world what they think. 

There is a powerful and poignant story that puts the above conversation into perspective : 

On his death bed, Alexander the Great summoned his generals and told them his three ultimate wishes:

The best doctors should carry his coffin;

The wealth he has accumulated (money, gold, precious stones etc.) should be scattered along the procession to the cemetery; and

His hands should be let loose, hanging outside the coffin for all to see!

One of his generals, who was surprised by these unusual requests, asked Alexander to explain.

Here is what Alexander the Great had to say:

1. I want the best doctors to carry my coffin to demonstrate that, in the face of death, even the best doctors in the world have no power to heal.

2. I want the road to be covered with my treasure so that everybody sees that material wealth acquired on earth, stays on earth.

3. I want my hands to swing in the wind, so that people understand that we come to this world empty handed and we leave this world empty handed after the most precious treasure of all is exhausted, and that is TIME.

4. We do not take to our grave any material wealth, although our good deeds can be our travelers’ cheques. TIME is our most precious treasure because it is LIMITED. We can produce more wealth, but we cannot produce more time.

5. When we give someone our time, we actually give a portion of our life that we will never take back. Our time is our life!

6. So my dear, the best present that you can give to your family and friends, is your TIME. May God grant you plenty of TIME and may you have the wisdom to give it away so that you can LIVE, LOVE and DIE in peace.

This is for you, who feel like you are not living because you are not rich, successful or famous. Those who are despondent and some desperate to get rich, successful or famous because you think that is what will make you happy. This is to remind you that all you really need is to be happy where you are right now. This is to remind you to find inner peace with yourself right now so that when the universe rewards you with riches, success and fame you will be happy and content. 

Thank you for coming to my page. Please subscribe and leave your comments on how we can make your experience better. ❤️

X. O. X. O

Ms _Curvy 

Bishop T.D. Jakes Shares His Inspirational Lessons || STEVE HARVEY

So it's a Sunday and I usually use this day to reflect and re-centre myself. Since no man is an island I draw strength and inspiration from many great people who have walked this path on earth which we can all agree is very uncertain.

For as long as I can remember I've always loved watching Steve Harvey's comedy and found him hilarious. I distinctly remember being introduced to him by a friend of mine back when we were living in Pretoria who shared the love of comedy with me. I would literally re-watch his live shows and I remember there was so much cussing that i overlooked it and wanted to share it with my extremely strict father, until my mother intervened and stopped me.

Fast forward to the introduction of YouTube and the easy accessibility to information that changed my life. I can honestly say without out a shadow of doubt that Google and YouTube changed my life for the better. Every time I was down or unsure about something I would just Google it and a video would appear to speak me out of feeling sorry for myself. There is and was such an array of motivation for me to suck up and it started to change my mind and eventually my life.

I remember I was introduced to Bishop TD Jake's by my dear friend Nolwazi Maziya. Every time she would fetch me and we would be driving around in her car, the Bishop would be playing. I looked at her life and how it was transforming literally with every season, and I started thinking mmmmh there must be something in what she was telling me. There was a period of time in my life I started listening to him religiously and I started to see my mind and trajectory shift. His words had so much power and what he was saying was so relatable and made so much sense.

Today as we are all digging deep and trying to figure out somethings in our lives, I thought to share with you this video that I came across. I'm sharing it with the hopes that it will restore your faith today just like I did mine. We are all in this together, some might be in canoes, some in boats, some ships and some in yatchs but we are all sailing on unchattered territories and haven't the slightest idea when or what our destination is. All we need do is to have faith and hope that it will all work out together for our best interest. 

X. O. X. O

Ms_Curvy 

WORD OF THE DAY

Word of the Day : August 4, 2021

flexuous

play

adjective FLEK-shuh-wus

Definition

1 : having curves, turns, or windings

2 : lithe or fluid in action or movement

Did You Know?

Flexuous is a synonym of curvy. It is typically used in botany to describe plant stems that aren't rigid. But don't let that tendency deflect you from occasionally employing this ultimately quite flexible word. Stemming straight from Latin flectere, meaning "to bend," it can also mean "undulating" or "fluid." It might, for example, be used of writing or music, or of something or someone that moves with a fluid sort of grace.

Source- https://www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day 

DISCLAIMER: 

So when I started my blog in 2012, I introduced "word of the day". I find it extremely comical that my first "word of the day" in I do not know how long, is flexuous, the definition of the word is even funnier because my pseudonym is "Ms Curvy" go figure. One could say that it is written in the stars or it's fate!!!! 

Fingerprint-Protected Closet In Singapore | Bonkers Closets

This is a little inspiration I picked up on Youtube. Consider it a nudge and pinch to get up and be innovative, do something. The reality is if this is the life you aspire, a job will not give you this. You need to be innovative and hustle. Remember the dream is free but the hustle is sold seperately. 

X.O.X.O 

Ms_Curvy 

The Richest Families That Secretly Run the World

So it is clear after watching this that we need to re-think what being rich is. What I am picking up from this video is generational wealth and privacy. What is generational wealth? 

Generational wealth refers to assets passed by one generation of a family to the next. In some cases assets are transferred after death in the form of an inheritance. In others they are passed to the next generation while the giver is still alive. 

The next question I have after watching this video is "why are there no black people in the countdown and where are our generational wealth ambassadors?" I have one friend of mine who is the spokesperson of the foreign concept "generational wealth", he has been preaching it since our Varsity days. So this has got me thinking about the crass materialism that is so prevalent amongst our society and if this could be the reason why we are unable to pass the baton to the next generation. 

Roll your eyes all you want but "trust funds" and trusts are a myth in black societies. Most children are left with funeral policies and if they are lucky, their parents pension funds to cash out when they pass away. Most in our communities however, face the prospects of having to pay off their parents debts when they pass away or are left with nothing basically. So this got me thinking... How do we change this for our children? 

On the issue of pension funds and policies, we have all watched the horror movie of children squandering that money in a matter of months without having regard for the person who worked for it or their own future. The grimmest reality is those who squander the pension fund and policy monies without even paying off the deceased parents debts or mortgage bonds on the houses they live in. The banks attorneys come months with a warrant of execution and the property is sold. What is wrong with our society?.

As an attorney myself , I have observed how when dealing with a deceased estate , the beneficiaries are only ever primarily interested in the money. If you yourself as an attorney are just interested in the commission, you yourself are a problem as you do not advise your clients properly on the obligations that come with that money. It is sad that people still do not understand that nothing is for free. Anyway back to generational wealth and privacy, what we pick up from the video is that most of these families value privacy. 

What is privacy and why is it important? Well Privacy is the ability of an individual or group to seclude themselves or information about themselves, and thereby express themselves selectively! And why is this important? Privacy is important because it is essential to who we are as human beings, and we make decisions about it every single day. It gives us a space to be ourselves without judgement, allows us to think freely without discrimination, and is an important element of giving us control over who knows what about us. Ever heard of the phrase "play your cards close to your chest?" If you have , I think it is time you start implementing same

Back to the subject matter at hand , I stumbled across an interesting  read on how to create generational wealth which I hope you will find as useful as I did. According to  Riley Adams, "People who inherit generational wealth have a significant financial advantage over those who do not. They likely have the ability to avoid student loans as well as other types of costly debt. Instead, their inheritance could go towards income-generating investments, assets which appreciate in value, or even towards purchasing their first home. 

However, it’s not easy to maintain generational wealth across several generations. In fact, research shows approximately 70% of families lose their capital in the second generation while 90% lose it in the third.  Not great odds for building sustainable wealth over several generations. 

These are some strategies to build generational wealth as well as ensure it lasts.

How to build generational wealth!!!!!

To generate wealth you can pass on, you need to acquire assets or save money you won’t need to spend in retirement. You then pass down the money and assets to children or other younger relatives. 

While the concept is simple, unless you had wealth passed down to you, accumulating extra assets can be slow. Fortunately, it’s entirely possible if you are strategic with your finances. These four strategies are the most accessible paths toward building generational wealth.

Invest in stocks

Stocks are arguably one of the best ways to build long-term wealth. Some people recommend starting by investing in index funds that carry low costs. An index fund is a type of mutual fund or exchange-traded fund (ETF) meant to match the components of a market index.

The advantages to investing in index funds comes with the instant diversification and not carrying the responsibility for picking out individual stocks on your own.

You can make money from stocks through capital appreciation and income from dividends.  For the former, you follow the tried-and-true investing advice of buying low and selling high. For the latter, you earn these passively when the index funds send the distributions to your brokerage account 

However, in terms of generational wealth, your initial goal focuses on capital appreciation as you set aside more money and your investments grow in value.  As you age and wish to take less risk, you transition toward a capital preservation strategy. This is a similar strategy baked into the best target date funds, which automatically transition the funds’ holdings over time as you near your target retirement date. (In plain South African language, it is time we look to the JSE and familiarise ourselves with the concept of stock brokers, do a due diligence check on them first however because this place is crawling with scammers.)

Invest in real estate

Real estate is something tangible which can produce income for your beneficiaries. If someone inherits an investment property, after paying for the costs of owning and operating the rental, the new owner can receive ongoing cash flows. Rental income also has several tax advantages, like having the ability to claim depreciation as a tax deduction, among the many other deductible expenses related to maintaining the property. 

While prices do fluctuate, homes have consistently increased in value over long periods of time. As a result, if the next generation does not wish to continue owning the home, it should be able to sell for more than you initially spent.

Save money strategically

Wealth comes not just from making money, but from saving it as well. As you receive distributions from stocks and other investments, rental income from real estate or money from other income sources, put aside as much as you can in a place where it will continue to grow. Ideally in tax-advantaged accounts first.

Create a business to pass down!!!!!

There is a reason many small businesses have “& Sons” in the name. People like the idea of building a business to pass down to their children. The Census Bureau states that 90% of all business enterprises in North America are family firms. 

However, while almost 70% of family businesses state they want to pass the company to the next generation, only about 30% are successful in doing so. Businesses can be very profitable long-term, but it’s crucial that whoever takes over the business has interest in the industry and knows how to operate a business. How to pass down generational wealth

As with any long-term financial goal, you need to have a plan to achieve it. In the case of generational wealth, that includes preparing for a successful transfer from you to your beneficiaries.

Get your affairs in order

Don’t wait until you have a medical issue or are well into retirement to get everything in order to pass down your wealth. Life is uncertain. Some things you can do to prepare include:

• Having an up-to-date will (or one at all)
• Consider buying life insurance if necessary for protecting your beneficiaries
• Creating an estate plan!!!!!!!
• Setting up custodial accounts
• Naming beneficiaries for your financial accounts

These actions can ensure a smooth transition of wealth and will minimize headaches for everyone later. But perhaps just as important as transferring wealth is passing on information on how to handle money.

About half of all inherited money is spent or lost investing poorly, with the other half saved. Furthermore, Chris Heilmann, chief fiduciary executive, states, “Looking at the numbers, 78% feel the next generation is not financially responsible enough to handle inheritance.” In other words, giving people money isn’t enough. You need to ensure they have  financial literacy. 

Fortunately, there are many ways for individuals to learn about finance if you don’t have the bandwidth to teach them personally. You can encourage taking courses on finance in high school and college, watching informational videos online through services like YouTube or Khan Academy, or even read highly-regarded personal finance books. To appeal to younger generations’ preferred digital learning style, you can also recommend finance apps geared toward young adults.By building generational wealth, having proper documentation prepared and teaching beneficiaries how to handle money, you’re setting them up for future financial success.

The earlier you start building wealth through stocks, real estate and business endeavours, the more wealth you will be able to accumulate. Your family’s generational wealth can begin with you.  -Riley Adams is a CPA and the author of the Young and the Invested website, which focuses on financial independence and investing. This column was adapted by the author from a post on that site.

Source_ https://www.marketwatch.com/story-what-is-generational-wealth-and-how-do-you-build-it-11594920846

I hope you found this as informative as I have and that today we consciously plant as seed to grow our generational wealth. Next time we will look into the concept of financial literacy and hopefully this will assist us in making sound decisions relating to money. 

X.O.X.O 

Ms_Curvy 

How to Set Healthy Boundaries & Stop People From Walking All Over You | ...

How many people just like myself have found themselves saying yes when in fact they wanted to say NO. 

How many people have found themselves going somewhere when they actually wanted to stay at home just because you don't want to disappoint someone? 

I found this video very enlightening and informative and thought this might help some of you who are struggling with setting boundaries. Why do we feel this need to be accepted and liked by everyone much to our detriment? How do you begin to heal the disease of "people pleasing?". The first step comes from identifying the root cause of the need to please. Why do you want to please everyone so much? For me it stems from my childhood. 

As I grew older I became the "nice" child. I was naughty and made my mistakes like every child, but nonetheless I was the "nice" one. I always was dependable and always went the extra mile to make everyone smile even if I was the butt of the joke. Until one day my mother  bought it to her mothers attention that , my child is being bullied where we lived at the time.  My maternal grandmother was a Queen , lived like one and carried herself like one. She sat me down and explained to me that I was not allowed to let anyone make me feel less than and I DID NOT HAVE to tolerate anyone's nonsense. My grandmother explained to me the importance of standing up for yourself and SPEAKING MY TRUTH. 

Throughout my Primary School years I could never say NO. Every answer was yes, I was dying of the "people's pleasing disease until my grandmother started to cure me. The moment I started standing up for myself  it was called disrespect but I never stopped. I got tired of being "nice". I then started being mean to people who did not deserve because I guess there were people who were mean to me, you know what they say about "hurt people , hurting people". The hurting went on for a while until I got kicked out of my school group, but I do not think I was mature enough to understand what was happening at the time. 

Fast forward to the pain of being rejected by "my friends" , it is then I met new friends who I later learned were also feeling rejected at the time we met. I learned compassion and started to be a little mindful of the words I would use because these friends loved me enough to call me out on my bullshit. My speech changed and entire trajectory of life started to shift and be more positive. But the day I watched the movie Spiderman and the scene where Uncle Ben was dying , he said to Peter " with great power, comes great responsibility" is the day I realised the power of my voice and words. For years I was stuck between either not using my voice or later on using my voice to do bad. I had to teach myself to use my voice to communicate how I was feeling in a positive way. 

Years later another defining moment was meeting my friend Holly Ndlovu a young man who I believe taught me how to say NO. I had never been in the presence of someone who was so self confident and would say NO!!! with so much conviction and meant it. He never gave false hope and say things like "I will think about it " or "let me sleep on it". His answer was either YES or NO! Matthew 5:37, The World English Bible translates the passage as:

"But let your

 ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and your ‘No’ be ‘No.’

Whatever is more than these is of the evil one". 

There are five different types:

Physical. This refers to your personal space, your privacy, and your body. You might be someone who is comfortable with public displays of affection (hugs, kisses, and hand-holding), or you might be someone who prefers not to be touched in public.

Sexual. These are your expectations concerning intimacy. Sexual comments and touches might be uncomfortable for you.

Intellectual. These boundaries concern your thoughts and beliefs. Intellectual boundaries are not respected when someone dismisses another person’s ideas and opinions.

Emotional. This refers to a person’s feelings. You might not feel comfortable sharing your feelings about everything with a friend or partner. Instead, you prefer to share gradually over time.

Financial. This one, as you guessed, is all about money. If you like to save money — not spend it on trendy fashions — you might not want to loan money to a friend who does.

Here are 10 ways to set and maintain good boundaries: 

Not sure how to go about creating boundaries or effectively uphold existing ones? Here are some of the best approaches to try.

Enjoy some self-reflection

To successfully introduce and set boundaries, it’s key to understand why they’re each important to you and how they will benefit your emotional well-being.

“Take some time to be a detective of your own psychology,” suggests Baker. “So often stuff happens to people and they feel uncomfortable, but they’re not sure why. The first step in having healthy boundaries in any situation is spending the time to explore what’s happening to you.”

Start small

If you don’t have many boundaries in place already, the prospect of introducing more might seem overwhelming — so build them up slowly.

Doing so allows you to take things at a more comfortable pace, and it provides time to reflect on whether it’s heading in the right direction or if you need to make some tweaks.

Set them early

“Sometimes it can be really hard to start putting boundaries in, especially in pre-existing relationships,” says Dr. Quinn-Cirillo. “If you can put in boundaries straight away, it’s a lot easier to work with.”

By setting boundaries and expectations from the very beginning, everyone knows where they stand, and feelings of hurt, confusion, and frustration can be lessened.

Be consistent

Letting boundaries slide can lead to confusion and encourage new expectations and demands among those around you.

Try keeping things consistent and steady. This helps to reinforce your original thresholds and beliefs, and it ensures those lines remain clearly established.

Create a framework

Dr. Quinn-Cirillo notes that boundaries “vary depending on the type of relationship.” However, if you find it helpful, there’s no reason not to have a few basics in place that can be adapted accordingly.

Consider getting an hour or two of alone time each weekend. This boundary could apply whether you live with a partner, have a busy social schedule with friends, or are close with your family.

Feel free to add extras

In some aspects of our lives, there are boundaries already in place — such as in the workplace. But consider these the minimum. Colleagues will likely have some of their own in place, and it’s okay for you to add some too.

Doing so may even enhance your performance. 

Be aware of social media

These platforms allow for more communication than ever, but they’ve also encouraged some considerable boundary blurring.

“There’s some incredible oversharing happening,” Baker states, and research shows that over half of us are concerned that family and friends will post personal information or photos that we don’t want shared publicly.

If you deem a particular action as boundary-crossing in real life, your concerns are no less valid when it occurs digitally. “You don’t have to expose yourself to social media that’s distressing you,” she adds.

Talk, talk, talk

Communication is critical in the world of boundaries, especially if someone consistently oversteps yours. While you might need to raise your concerns, these discussions need not be confrontational.

For example, if you have a friend who sends messages nonstop, Dr. Quinn-Cirillo suggests saying something along the lines of, “‘I can see you really wanted to get hold of me, but the best thing to do is drop me a message, and I’ll get back to you when I can.’” This gently highlights their behavior while simultaneously asserting your threshold.

Be your biggest champion

For boundaries to have a strong foundation, you need to show yourself a bit of love, notes Baker. “If you’ve got a narrative in your head that says you’re worthless and undeserving, then you’re going to find it difficult to put boundaries in place that protect you,” she says. “A lot of it comes down to self-worth and self-value.”

It doesn’t take much to start encouraging this mindset either, adds Baker. The more you engage in activities “that release feel-good hormones, like singing, running, or whatever you want to do — things that feed your own heart — then that’s going to help change your internal dialogue and make you feel more deserving.”

Gain some perspective

Not having boundaries can be detrimental to our mental health, but going too far and over-thinking them can also impact our emotional well-being, reveals Dr. Quinn-Cirillo.

“Get a healthy level of thinking about boundaries,” she says. “Have some but don’t be dictated by them. Sometimes you’ve just got to go with your gut instinct. We can forget that we’re actually quite good at navigating most things and are quite intuitive as human beings.”- https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries. 

I hope this assists someone who is struggling with being too nice and is being used for their kindness. It is time to stand up for yourself and understand that you cannot be everything for everyone all the time. In as much as it is good to say YES, know that it is also good to say NO. 

-Ms_Curvy