Monkey see monkey do.

It's hot, I'm hot and bothered..The weather outside is not making things any easier. I used to think only cloudy weathers reminded me of the fact that I haven't had companionship in such a long time. People always accuse me of being angry, as the weeks and months go by I fear my anger will grow as well.

I am angry about a lot of things. I'm angry that my third learners is about to expire without me getting my license. I'm angry that a lot of people have known me for a long time but always overlooked me, simply based on the way I look. Most of all I am angry that I have forgotten what it feels like to be in love. I'm pissed off that I am not patient and I want things to be done my way, and at my own time but love is also the same way.

Intimacy has become so foreign that the only person I allow to touch me, is myself. Yes I said it, Intimacy is after IN TO ME I SEE, and I see myself all the time. I am angry at the fact that I can control or at least try to control everything around me but not how I feel. Speaking of feeling, I do not remember when was the last time I felt something about someone and it actually felt good.

We are all different, but some of us more than others. From the way we speak to the things we value and hold in the highest regards. As much as I am different, we all want the same thing at the end of a hot, rainy or cloudy day and that is honesty. I am a complicated creature but a persons honesty uncomplicates me. I would never for the life of me understand why people say one thing and do another or not do it at all. If I say I will do something, I might not do it when the person wants me to do it,but fact of the matter is I will.

If empty promises were stones, I would have enough to build me a tall castle and if disappointments were steel, let's just say my gates would be impermeable. When did the truth become so bitter and people's mouths that they would rather swallow it than open their mouths a spit it out? This is from personal experience not only my own but of those around me and close to me. The truth shall set you free. It's simple if you cannot do something just let the other person know. You know what it feels like being lied to? It's humiliating,disrespectful and degrading, granted it ranges from person to person but for me it's constant.

I have this understanding which is my own and you can borrow it if you like, but if you do acknowledge. It goes like this: If I choose to be with you, it's because I believe we are both adults and in possession of at least a minimum thinking capacity. That means that I do what feels right to me when it feels right but should I find myself in position where I have to let go of that freedom because we are together and I want to make you happy, I will. With that however comes an understanding that you will have to do the same. In  a nutshell,compromise.