Things men MUST live without.

Monday really must be a man, it comes so fast. On that subject of men, there is so much to say. Wherever you go women are always having a discussion about men. I've grown up hearing the women in my life go on about the men in their lives and my daughter will probably hear me rant and rave about the ones in mine as well.

 

I guess it's true, we cannot live with you and we cannot live without you. However there are some things we can really live without. I'm not a white girl and a man leaving the toilet seat up is really of no concern to me. We are lucky enough that most if not all the brothas grew up in "family houses “where they were surrounded by lots of females so putting the toilet seat down is entrenched in them.

There are however some things women can really do without, drama and lies aside I'm talking about things you can see and touch. There is something called evolution and how some men refuse to get with the programme is beyond me. I understand socio-economic backgrounds are a big factor but it's no longer an excuse. I have seen a lot of good looking men fail because of example the way they choose to dress. Contrary to popular belief we do judge the book by the cover, well at least I do. There are just some things you cannot get away with; I don't care how delicious you are. I'm not talking about factory faults here, no one is petty enough to judge you for your lazy eye for example but they are going to judge you for that gold tooth.

 

I look beyond things people cannot change, but I draw the line on those they choose for themselves. Some things are just big no no's, unless you've lived in Limpopo then you will know everything there is a HELL NO! Walking around Polokwane is like seeing ghosts of horrible fashion past. It's unbelievable, shocking is the word. This place has literally kept and keeps producing the things we want to forget we ever wore. There is backward and then there is Limpopo. My first week here my dad asked how it was, I remember telling him, I swear if you stood still in the same position for three hours without moving I'm dead sure you will see a homosapien dragging his wife by her split ends carrying a club.

 

Jokes aside I can go on and on about the place where all old age homes should be built, all day but this is about the items or things men can really do without and we cannot live with, well some of us anyway. I would never be with a man just because he is good looking if he lets say wears leather sandals. If I had a choice between that and a wheat grass, bird droppings and hot coal smoothie..yep you guessed right I would slurp that smoothie any day. Some things just hurt your eyes. Funny story I once dated a guy (you know who you are) who pulled out a Pointer in his closet, I kid you not. I sat on the bed mortified; I had goose pimples all over. I looked him dead in the eye and told him, that thing will never see the light of day again and I would rather be caught dead than be seen with someone with a PETA hit on their head. Do you know how many innocent animals die for people to commit the worst fashion crimes? If you are currently dating anyone who owns and wears a POINTER, shame on you!!!

On that very informative and reflective note I will list the things men should not even consider. Trust me you will need to go through this if you want to get laid. This is on behalf of the ladies who have some damn sense.

THE THINGS YOU CAN LIVE WITHOUT:

· Trainers. These shoes for those who don't know are made for running hence the name trainers. They are not to see the outside of the house except when they are on their way to the gym or the track. If you wear them with jeans, then you need to be shot!

· Boxers. Ok the jury is still out. I might be a bit bias when it comes to this subject since I prefer my men in briefs. I think boxers should be worn only at night, firstly to let things just hang and secondly for easy access. Other than that keep it in tact.

· Gold teeth. Besides the fact that this should have been banned in the 80's I don't know what more to say. This is a very touchy subject. NO ONE will look beyond your gold tooth and if she does then she is just as retarded. Some of us love to travel; do you really think I want to spend 2 hours at the airport check in point for you?

· Leather sandals. I cannot! No I take that back, I WILL NOT!

· Grown pinkie nail. For Pete's sake, need I say more? Like what are you growing that thing for someone please tell me! I didn't get it then and I still don't get it now. If I had a rand for every time I told some Neanderthal to go saw off their pinkie then I would be a bloody millionaire.

· Long hair. There is something called a barber shop, it's there for a reason. Men should never have long processed hair. Imagine basing your man's scalp at night before bed or asking him to borrow you his scrunchie *screams*

· Floral shirts. Uzzi and Hemisphere really just put the last nail on the coffin. Those things should all be burned, think Sharpeville when the people burned their Passes in protest.

· Track pants. If I see another guy in Nike track pants and a Dry Fit top I will scream... too late *aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarghhhhhh*

· Carvela's. What the hell is a grown  man over 20 doing with Carvela's with C's all over them?! You are not even allowed to look at me if you have them on.

If you were wondering why you had to scavenge for some decent booty and you are guilty of the crimes listed above, at least now you know why. For all the brothas who always have their sh*t on lock down THANK YOU, you keep us sane. Next time I think I will look into my favourite subject, things men need and things we should not live without.

Kind Regards

Ms_Curvy